Yesterday, it hit. My back suddenly began to hurt – really hurt. My right arm is aching and painful when I raise it or reach to pick something up. I am walking like a very, very old woman. I am feeling like a very, very old woman. Mid forties and feeling like mid eighties.
The self doubt also hit… Is this what I should be doing? Am I too old for it? How can I keep lugging large furniture here there and everywhere? There are so many others doing it now. There are so many, many bloggers with amazing ideas. How can I ever compete?
After more than a decade at home raising little ones, I realize that reinventing oneself is not an easy journey.
The thing is, I do love it. I love to paint and create. Why I love to arrange and rearrange my home is just unexplainable. I can spend hours doing it. Like when I was a little girl and spent countless afternoons rearranging my doll house, except now the furniture is a lot heavier!
Yesterday, I spent the afternoon cleaning out my living room. Now that it is empty again, it felt wonderful to get in there to clean and sort it out. I rearranged and incorporated some pieces that didn’t sell at the market. I had my teenage son and daughter do all of the lifting – even books (they are so lucky to have a mom who has them move furniture countless times)!
From the mess..
To a clean room that I can breath in again. It certainly doesn’t belong in a magazine and needs new curtains and a new rug. However, it felt fantastic. A catharsis… the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art[1] or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration.
I have too many plans to stop now…I really hope my back cooperates!
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I don’t want to scare you or anything – but wait till you hit your mid 50’s LOL ……………it ain’t pretty !
In the last 2 weeks I’ve had a door fall on my foot – I’ve broken my baby toe – my arm won’t stretch out – and STILL I keep painting 🙂
Your living room looks gorgeous – magazine worthy !
XOX
I think your room looks great! It is such a good feeling to get things cleaned up sometimes. We are having a big BBQ this Sunday and it has motivated me to get projects done and yard cleaned up for the summer. This is part of why we are having to the BBQ-kick our butts to get cleaned up. I hope your back feels better soon and I know a paintbrush will be back in your hands soon!
I have prayed a prayer of healing for you Suzanne. I know that there is nothing that my God can not do. He can and will restore your back and give you a new vitality and creativity. He will also give you peace of mind. Be encouraged and know that you are very talented. Don’t worry about the others out there and what they are doing. Focus on you and your gifts, and you will be blessed. Can’t wait to see what you create next!
Wow Claire, that was a beautiful prayer, can I send it my way?!? You are so right though. I am and have been feeling the same way and need to realize/remember it isn’t about who wins the link parties, its about doing the best you can and being the best person you can be, every day, all day. That is the gift we give back to God – doing what we can do and celebrating the gifts others have that we don’t – God made us all different for a reason! Suzanne – you do a great job – see a chiropractor about the back/arm thing and get that hot tub!! It works wonders!!!!!!!!!
Trisha
Isn’t it amazing how much better cleaning up and moving some furniture (or having your kids move furniture!) can make you feel? When things start to feel overwhelming and I feel like there is just too much stuff and too much to do, cleaning up and organizing always makes me feel better.
I love that natural wood dresser you have, by the way!!!
Love your grey drum table. Been searching for one on Craigslist!
I enjoy reading your blog. Feel better!
Love the grey drum table. Been searching for one on Craigslist.
I think you’ve been running on adrenaline and passion these past few weeks. I hope your back feels better soon and I hope you give your spirit a chance to rest as well. You do great work and your art matters. Thank you for showing us the truth because real life is not always in the magazines. I’m cheering you on your journey!
Great job. LOVE that coffee table!
Your living room DOES belong on a magazine cover…so serene and restful. Wonderful job ‘cleaning out’…catharsis is the correct word. It settles and cleans the soul. Hope your back and body recovers. I ‘only ‘ did eleven furniture pieces this winter, and know your pain. Now it is ‘outside’ time; more catharsis. Count your 40 years plus blessings; I’m 66 and hobbling. Sending encouragement.
I love your blog and your style. I have been painting furniture for years, and selling in the last few years.. I am now 60 and still painting, though a bit slower! There are two things that have really helped me along the way. I go to an excellent chiropractor, and now I am doing yoga (for the stretching and strengthening of muscles). I am no doctor, but just wanted to pass on my experience. I do know the sooner you take care of your back pain, the faster you will heal. Don’t ignore the pain. I do trust you feel better soon!!
Thank you so much for the tips! My back is feeling much better. I know I overdid it at Lucketts. I am very interested in yoga – have heard wonderful things about it. I hope to take a class in the fall after the kids are back at school from summer break. Thanks again, Linda!